This might seem a little offensive, but being that the Holidays are around the corner and family dinners are on the horizon, I have some helpful advice on how to come out unscathed when you have less than loving relationships with your relatives.

For the lucky few, holiday dinners can be a pleasant and cozy experience just like the illustrations of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case for most of us. Getting together for the holidays can be brutal when there’s at least one family member–often more–that produce chaos or tension among the group. Undoubtedly, some of us feel alien to our own families.

If you feel this way, this article is for you.

Before I get started, I need to tell you that I wrote a very similar article for a local publication and one of the editors rebuked my submission. In summary, this particular editor told me that the article was off-putting and the concern was whether my article would promote isolation versus establishing family relationships and they questioned whether my article would tarnish the image of the publication if they chose to publish it.

I don’t need your permission 
to speak my truth.
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Let me tell you that I don’t need your permission to speak my truth. My aim is to serve. There are more individuals lacking the tools to handle toxic people who just so happen to be either related by blood or marriage. More people get sick around the holidays, and it’s not because of the change in weather. Sadly, being around bullies, toxic or negative family members isn’t just isolated to the one bullied individual. The offenses extend far beyond the one person to their children, partners, spouses, and anyone on the road. Many can be affected. The bullied family member may enter into depression, go on a drinking binge or overeat. So, I’m channeling the people who share two things in common. They cringe at the thought of a family get together and need some practical advice on how to come out unscathed.

Don’t beat your up if your family sucks

Chances are, they have already demoralized, chastised, degraded, diminished and insulted you more than enough times throughout the years, so it’s pointless to do it to yourself. These people make you the butt of their jokes while enlisting agreement from other members of your family.

Sometimes they say horrible things to you in the name of help. I am reminded of a scene in the movie, Saving Private Ryan, where the enemy soldier is compassionately silencing the poor child while he is impaling the kid with a knife. Please don’t second guess yourself either. Odds are that these individuals are extremely artful in how they disguise their meanness.

Their invalidations can be extremely covert. You might not even notice that you’ve been slimed passive aggressively until hours after the get-together.

You’ll begin to notice that you don’t feel so happy. You replay conversations in your head, and you feel anger starting to brew. Sometimes, you are invisible to them. They don’t talk to you, or if they do, they lose attention with you the moment you begin to answer their question. Family brutality can show up in many overt and covert ways. Instead of feeling sadness that you don’t have that Hallmark family, be grateful that you are you and find comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

Now, let’s get down to business.

First of all: Your emotional state is your responsibility.

Your emotional state is 
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You must be on a constant state of alertness when around these people. As a life coach, I’m going to give you some counterintuitive advice: USE WHITE LIES. Write a list of extremely crafty white lies that will get you out of the family get together. And, don’t feel guilty about lying because the very definition of white lying is that nobody gets hurt, especially you.

If you are able to “no show,” I highly recommend doing something that you will be eternally the better for, serve your community’s poor with kindness and respect. There are soup kitchens, shelters, and agencies that need your help. Instead of dodging slimeballs with your relatives, play another game: go be of service to your community. You will feel absolutely wonderful and give the gift of hope and spirit of love to this community at large.

If you can’t get out of the entire dinner, then your next step is to minimize your exposure to crazy town. Ask yourself how long you can tolerate being around these people and make up a decent white lie that gets you out before you get slimed. Chaos producers, energy vampires or passive aggressive or covertly hostile individuals can be on their best behavior at least up until dinner time.

My second piece of advice: Let Good Roads and Good Weather be your guide.

To prevent yourself from being harangued, don’t talk about your dreams, your ambitions, political or religious views. In fact, only talk about stuff that can easily be “agreed” upon with your anti-tribe. If you can’t think of anything to say, then listen intently and acknowledge with compassion. If you must engage in a convo, ask them innocuous questions that won’t set them off. Question them about their hobbies, cars, or their children. If you make your questions too personal, you will be walking through landmines. These people don’t want to be “seen” or found out. They don’t want you to know that they operate in fear. It’s all smoke and mirrors.

To that end, create your own smoke and mirrors. Come prepared with answers to questions you know they will inevitably ask. When you deliver your responses, make sure you tone down the delivery to a gentle boredom. Meaning, if you are too excited or interested in something that you are relaying, these individuals become super silver-tongued devil’s advocates to what you say. They are naturals at spinning you and know your buttons. You can easily get caught up in a debate, trying to defend your position. Which will put you in a no-win situation because these individuals thrive in verbal war.

My third piece of advice is to know your 3 P’s.

Prior to the engagement, create your own Purpose, Plan, and Posture for the event and write them down. Ask yourself: what is my purpose for attending this event? To enjoy myself, to be fully present. What is your plan? I will listen, acknowledged and say only good roads, and good weather type things. I will tend to the children, tidy up and be of service. What posture will help you remember your purpose and plan? I will remain in confidence and compassion. My sternum up, a pleasant expression on my face. Keeping this posture will remind me that I am here of my own choosing and I am prepared for anything. Remember your 3 P’s and take time to write them out. If you have a spouse that will be attending, include him or her in your plan.

My last piece of advice may seem trite. Please practice forgiveness and let it go.

Forgive yourself first and then forgive them. While this may seem difficult to swallow, sometimes we can be guilty of the things in which we are accusing others. And, this is the part that stings. It’s unnatural to think of ourselves as bullies, or being passive aggressive or overtly mean. Maybe we did these kinds of things in the distant past, and these family members are reminding us of our actions. It’s ok. Forgive yourself and let it go. Free yourself from any wounds and ask for forgiveness. It’s still true that some members of your family or relatives can still be offensive and cruel. And the larger truth is, sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you. All these people have are words, and you can choose not to let those words hurt you.

It is possible for all of you who have challenging relationships with your family members to have a peaceful and celebratory holiday season. May the implementation of these tools serve you well. Remember to write down and practice your 3 Ps and forgiving yourself for whatever you’ve done in the past and forgive your family or relatives for what they’ve done, too.

I’m sending love and kindness to you as we approach the holiday season. I hope these tips have given you some insight into how to make this year the best one yet! How do you plan to practice the F-Word with yourself and your family during the holidays? Let me know in the comments below.

As a medical doctor, patients, friends and people come to me for simple answers and solutions – they want me to impart my, lets call it, wisdom onto them. In fact, I wonder if that is why you’ve come to our blog – hoping that I can impart my “wisdom” as a doctor on to you.

But, I’m not going to do that. Because, simply put, it can not be done. We all know, deep inside, that’s not how this works.

I, as a physician with more than 20 years of experience taking care of more than 30,000 bodies, lives and minds, can teach you the mechanics, techniques and pathways of becoming and staying healthy. I can even share my experiences, knowledge and may be even my logic. But knowledge, experience, mechanics and logic are only the first steps toward gaining wisdom.

Wisdom needs to spring out from inside YOU.

We chose Personal Restart as the name of our practice, as we intended it to be all about rediscovering and uncovering the hidden opportunity, the capacity and the chance to reinvent, recreate and restart in every one of our clients—as many times as it takes–so they may get to experience living their life as the best version of themselves.

Wisdom needs to spring out 
from inside YOU.
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The goal is to allow each and every one of our clients to tap into their own hidden, tired, repressed or forgotten wisdom (Their TURNED OFF GPS) so they may choose their paths wisely. At Personal Restart, we not only will help you show you where you EXACTLY are from physical, physiological and chemical stand point, but we will also light up the road ahead of you, so you avoid the potholes.

The First step toward any change is recognizing the NEED for change.

We need to recognize and accept whether we are in a “rut”, (emotionally, spiritually or physically), or the fact that we are not living up to our potential, or we look at ourselves and NOT like how we feel, function and present.

I will tell you a story about the moment that we (my wife and I) “looked” and did not like what we saw–the birth of our own Personal Restart

About 7 years ago, my wife Veronica and I were visiting my parents’ house after a long day of travel. As new parents of an infant, we were tired and well vested into our seats on the couch.

We were WORN DOWN.

Sweat was beading up on my forehead as I was winded from carrying our luggage into the house.

As we sat there, we couldn’t help but notice the buzzing and energy filling the home. There was a wonderful aroma drifting from the kitchen. The small apartment was light, airy, and clean. Our luggage had disappeared. Water had been served. A plate of fresh vegetables and dewy fruit sat on the table in front of us. My parents, 90+ years old, were circling around, taking care of our needs – full of life with no matter of resistance.

How could that be? Where had we strayed off the course of vigor and vitality so far?

We, the new parents in the prime of our lives should feel the energy of the universe around us, NOT beaten by it to submission. It was time for change.

So, how would we change? And how would you?

The second step toward change is believing that you CAN.

And yes, living a healthy lifestyle, for the UN-initiated seems like a lot of work, and it truly is a continuous commitment.

The daily choices we make have direct effects on our health and it is up to us to make more healthy than unhealthy decisions–tilting the balance towards a positive YOU–one at a time, day by day, it will make the choosing the next healthy path easier and less overwhelming.

We are not victims of circumstances, but choices.

For me, my true-North in staying healthy has been my family. I owe it to them to take care of myself. And I know that if I keep them at the forefront of my thoughts and daily decisions, then I will continue to make the right choices, and my right choices inspire the right choices of those around me.

You need to find your true north as well.

At Personal Restart, we will be your partner in identifying exactly where you are, your deficiencies, your needs, and hand hold you through re-starting your life force.

Yes, we do offer an array of traditional and integrative modalities. We employ the use of PRP, IV nutrition, nutraceuticals, bio-identical hormone replacement therapy, medical marijuana, nutritional guidance, genetic testing and life, relationship and health and wellness coaching.

BUT the most vital part of our success comes from YOUR BELIEF AND COMMITMENT.

Wellness beyond homeostasis only happens when we take charge of our own health.

What steps have you taken to take charge of your own health? Please comment below to get the conversation started!

I needed a Personal Restart – maybe you do, too?

Since this is our first blog post, let me begin by expressing our deepest gratitude to you for reading it and by offering you a heartfelt welcome to Personal Restart, a whole person medical wellness practice. I’m going to share something a little private and a bit embarrassing. I hope that by sharing my story, it will help you in some way.

I have a feeling that you might want or need a Personal Restart, as I did.

But, before I begin telling you about my journey, I need to tell you that Personal Restart is a practice comprised of me, the health and wellness coach and my husband, the whole person medical doctor.

We founded this company through love and our own personal transformations.

I married for love. Thank God. Marriage is hard and complicated. So much so, that if we marry for anything but love, we are in deep doodoo.

If we marry for anything but love,
we are in deep doodoo.
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I have been happily married for almost 20 years. The majority of those years, however, had been pretty painful.

No lie, but all mainly due to my inability to “handle” things that life threw my way to eventually choosing maladaptive behaviors which led to a whole new cascade of health issues – my self care “mistakes” stemmed from my simply being too caught up in life’s ups and downs to even realize that I was not caring enough about myself.

I married outside of my Mexican-American Heritage and dove deeply into my husband’s beautiful Persian culture. As a proud American of Mexican Heritage, family life is important. We gather often. We are loud and love to eat.

However, I wasn’t prepared to handle the expectations and obligations of my new Persian family and this caused a tremendous amount of discord between me and my husband. My self-care mistake? Coping with this unexpected discord by crying and eating.

There went the first 3 years of my marriage. I gained 50 pounds.

I also hadn’t planned that my own family would provide their own set of drama. Combine family conflict, with being a newly married couple, starting a business, becoming new homeowners, and starting law school all within the same time frame. Then, sprinkle in having absolutely no life coping skills. Well, I’m sorry to say, life sucked for a while.

I was in my early 30s, so my body, even though I was betraying it daily, didn’t show signs of failing or aging.

There went 3 more years. I gained 50 more pounds. Yes. I am embarrassed to admit this. I gained 100 pounds and lost all self-worth, self-control, self-pride. The list of losses continued, but I’ll save that for next time otherwise this post will become a tome.

Well, where do you re-start when you’ve had 10 years of marriage, 10 years of developing bad coping skills, 10 years of combining all of my junk with all of my husband’s stuff and creating this enormous contagion of aberration?

We started by reading, going to courses, attending conferences, getting even more credentialed and meeting amazing thought leaders. Then Shahriar and I both looked inward at our own personal mind-body-spirit balance, or lack thereof.

We dug deep and turned our mistakes into solutions. Began applying what we’d learned to each other, then to our patients, and lo and behold, we came up with a system to help one repair ones life.

To date, I have lost 90 pounds, have optimized my hormones, have amazing sleeps and can effectively communicate and finish my sentences. Most importantly, I have learned some amazing life skills.

I am a board certified health and wellness coach, a strategic interventionist life coach, relationship coach, reiki artist and Level 1 QiGong instructor. I also have extensive knowledge in medicinal uses in herbal and aromatherapy. I’m very proud of my personal restart journey and want you to know that if I can do it, you can do it, too.

Personal Restart is about doing what I have done (and am still doing) – turning mistakes into solutions and repairing ones life.

My husband is a board certified 25 year veteran of physical medicine and rehabilitation, now with extensive experience and expertise in bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, neutriceuticals and nutritional counseling, genetic counseling and soon will be delivering PRP-platelet-rich plasma therapy in office. He has his own personal restart journey. And though I tend to be the mouthpiece for Personal Restart, he will share his own story soon.

We meet you where you are and provide you with solutions to help you up-level your whole beautiful life. Sometimes that means getting your health back to homeostasis, sometimes it means tweaking your eating, sleeping and exercise habits. Sometimes it means healing your leaky gut, helping you reach your ideal weight.

It most definitely means learning about your relationships, your work and social life. It’s absolutely means you will be learning practical life coping skills, and how to communicate your wants and needs to your spouse, children, family members, boss, and friends.

Personal Restart offers an array of traditional and integrative modalities. We employ the use of PRP, IV nutrition, nutraceuticals, bio-identical hormone replacement therapy, nutritional guidance, genetic testing and life, relationship and health and wellness coaching.

You up-level your health and learn how to incorporate workable solutions so that you can show up for your life, 100%.

Being in community with individuals undergoing transformation as you are is beneficial in more ways than one. In what ways have you turned your own mistakes into solutions? Please comment below to let us know!